Paradise Lost   And I cry oh why must you torture me Collapsing against the sliding glass door And how cold I have become It’s never enough just to enjoy my struggle It’s never enough for you until I’m done   Now again I pretend I’m much more than a soldier As if all that mattered was stabbing your back Remind me again just how close I was To being handed the last place condolence pack   Where I could get away And spend all my life On a forsaken island Living in privilege, But living with you Substance bled. Oceans blue.   And I scream at the path I chose for me Now rising against the unsettled score And how much I have become You’d better believe now I’ll never give up, and You’d better accept that I’ve won   Now again I pretend I’m much more than a soldier As if all that mattered was stabbing your back Remind me again just how close I was To being handed the last place condolence pack   Where I could get away And spend all my life On a forsaken island Living in privilege, But living with you Substance bled. Oceans blue.

Focus   When everything I took pride in fell apart How was I supposed to feel With nothing to do, I didn’t know where to go, For starters my heart took the blame (and now I live in shame)   Why couldn’t I see where I was going Who would have known it was a dead end Inside I feel open, my scars are showing Why did I have to pretend That I knew it all, wasn’t I so swift I see now I’ve fallen, the sides have switched -(The tides have turned), Putting my conscience first, And holding nothing at all, I walk on (x2)   Again, but against them, I follow the signs I wait for the answers, I try to decide I know now that nothing will ever remain Why settle down searching for doubt to explain I might as well, Drop it all, (begin again, with you as my strength as I am your body) To live (in your light, is to live as you say… I can never forget the pain) Never forget,  never forget the pain(x3)  plus the fact that you saved me   Why couldn’t I see where I was going Who would have known it was a dead end Inside I feel open, my scars are showing Why did I have to pretend That I knew it all, wasn’t I so swift I see now I’ve fallen, the sides have switched -(The tides have turned) Putting my conscience first, And holding nothing at all, I walk on (x2)   Toads   So, this is how it starts, Tuesday evening has been in store for me, but you knew all along. How could I ever miss this, it feels like forgiveness has won me over.   Your song, as it echoes telling me stories of your graceful wisdom. These words, I’ve heard them before, but my praise is new and ever life abounding and this sigh is not lacking in strengthened relief.   Tell me how it ends.   How can it be that all my wounds have mended. Show me your face. How can I see your eyes reflect mine, my prayer has been open, your hands have been mine. I’m starting to see that your grace has been sending my thanks back to comfort me, it’s been about time. But it’s so awkward sometimes, but you’ll teach me-oh what you ask of me, cause you’ve taught me to shine. I ask you for words, they come to my lips. And you ask me to go for you, your wish is to save someone’s soul.   Paper Thin   What are words worth when in time they are always being broken. Their meanings are faulty when you’re hearing what you want to. How benign, but they can bleed you, malignant as the sound of chimes (ringing) did I mention they are always hard to find.   Did you hear about the party last night- no, I would have asked you if I wanted to know about how everyone was killing their souls just to have a good time. (smoking and drinking and getting high) that’s not my idea of a good time.   What are words worth when these walls are paper thin. There’s too much on the line to have them listening in. face to face with dejection, with a reddening complexion, Lord I am seeking forgiveness here.   How powerful words can be, with the spirit surrounding. There are words buried deep in your souls, if you are willing to seek them…a garden of hope you will grow, a garden of peace you will grow, a garden of love you will grow, just let Gods love show.

December Rain   I’m beginning to feel To know that I can’t Control my life And it’s true And neither can you   There’s always that something That slips through my fingers And leaving a chill that is so Misunderstood I can’t escape and The truth is I wouldn’t If I saw the bad news   Oh no And here I stand again Five steps from where I used to be Calling the move But I couldn’t stand to breath Unless of course it was all a dream And it’s just inside of me   But inside me!? What’s inside of me? It a course through time Alive (In spite of all its worth) I shed my skin to breathe it in And I feel the same   I never knew it was a matter of fate As a matter of fact I didn’t know How far I could get away with it Then I let it go, and fell back to you (I could never live up to my standards All they did was hold me up So when I fell it was hard and far And getting back up was too much to handle You were the one who was always calling my name You were the one who could bring me to shame And you were the one, who dragged me on your shoulder)   Oh no Here I stand again Five steps from who I used to be Calling the move But I couldn’t stand to breath And here I stand again Apart from my heart Pinned to the wall where I said those words And left you a promise Then walked away, then walked away from my heart.   Trailing Out   I know what tonight means Maybe that’s why I’ve been such a clutz for a while Tonight The keys in my hand, finding an empty parking lot to greet me Standing alone for this, I’d hoped to find you there   But instead the streetlights glare down on me Cause its time to confess, I haven’t been inclined, to share this Unspeakable, denial…   It’s haunting me…   However I have been inclined to hide, Which is exactly what I chose to do tonight As I drove on by, and let out a sigh   Cuz I know what tonight was supposed to mean I’ve been waiting for so long To get this off of my chest, I haven’t been the best boy I really skrewed up for a while But I can’t decide to just hang around Cause for now you’re just too far away for me to stay   So ill sit in my room, by myself, in the dark Watching the candles light my despair And I’m counting the seconds again As I pray to You to fortify me (to break me down) You’ve got my heart pounding, and it’s stirring up this guilt It’s trailing out And filling me with the pain that I embrace But I’m still ashamed that I didn’t try to find You I just went to hide away, So ill pray for this to end. Amen.   Shade in the Corner   I see you crying there, it’s taken you much to long now to figure this out. You whisper to yourself, it’s not fair to keep fighting for pleasure but finding only despair. Its not you’re crying that makes me so sad, was it not for your head being so cluttered so much. I just wish I could change you, id make you be strong, were it not for your freedom, cause you’ve held on for so long. It’s all you have left, cry out to me with your last ounce of breath. I see you sighing there, those undertones have been riding you down, and tearing you apart, and your heart longs for treasure, but your heart needs rest. Silence, don’t pity, its shame that’s painful and truth that is so hard to find sometimes, what message what words are you sending, can I hear your voice or am I pretending. It’s all you have left, cry out with your last ounce of breath.   Seven Letters (stand still)   Will the world wait for me, I’m taking my time, but is it mine, is it my time. Will I keep looking ahead to see you standing there at the finish line, waiting for me, waiting to say goodbye. Waiting to say, goodbye. Will you wait for me, the world has left me behind. Now, you are asking me, is this what you want. And do I try, should I try to catch up, or will I start looking back and leave you standing there, and not realize you are leaving, and I won’t get to say goodbye. Stand still, because now I’m wide awake, I can feel the fire burning for you burning inside me. What is real now isn’t what I asked for, it isn’t what it used to be, but I’m still, I’m dead still.